else it was reverie

VLADIMIR: Christ! What has Christ got to do with it? You’re not going to compare yourself to Christ!
ESTRAGON: All my life I’ve compared myself to him. 
VLADIMIR: But where he lived it was warm, it was dry!
ESTRAGON: Yes. And they crucified quick.

-——————————————————————————————————————————

Disclaimer/Abstract:
This is the first time that I am writing (what I believe is NOT) an academic paper after more than twelve months, during which I have obstinately abandoned all academic and scholarly sensibilities—things which have always been questionably present in my life anyway—in favor of a simpler, advanced literature-free existence I thought I could consider having. Thus, I emerge now a stupider version of my graduate student self.

Putting into consideration that I am—to begin with—scholarly challenged and downright idiotic, I have decided to document all actions and thought process that I have experienced in the duration of writing a paper for my Development of Drama class, not only in an attempt to be creative or truthful, but more importantly, in the objective of later on scrutinizing these instances and discerning their implications, especially in terms of my own mental health.

Much later on, I will attempt to draw out parallelisms of my behavior and manner of thinking to those of the majority of today’s young men and women, who are subjects behind cultural phenomenon such as #OneDirectionAkaBestIdolsInTheWorld, #KathNielMostPromisingLoveTeam, and #JuliaMontesPrincessOfThePhilippineTelevision.

I might just also be drama-tic this way, I guess.

-——————————————————————————————————————————

2013 May 19, Sunday

12:00NN
I’m screwed.

2:00PM
I’ll start at 3:00, I promise. Or after I finish this bowl of ice cream and that episode of How I Met Your Mother.

3:30PM
I am so not a theory person. I thought I was, but I think the ship of that fact has sailed long after Contemporary Literary Criticism three years ago.

3:35PM
While the YFC Big North sector heads are nursing a Summer House Training hangover and rubbing elbows online, here I am, rubbing elbows with impossible papers!

5:00PM
Question: Ano ang masarap kainin habang nag-iisip, nagsusulat, at gumagawa ng madugong academic paper? Ice cream? Nuts? Brownies with drugs?

5:30-7:00PM
Shirked academic and intellectual responsibilities… 
  a.) to change my Google Chrome browser theme (in the belief that I was bored with my life) 
  b.) for a protracted moment of mental party and hedonism to the tunes of Carly Rae Jepsen, Swedish House Mafia, Flo Rida, Pitch Perfect OST, Sponge Cola Palabas songs.

                                                  I like crazy, foolish, stupid
                                                 Party going wild, fist pumping…

                                                 Hey, I heard you were a wild one… Oooohhh

7:45PM
- Dinner with parents (wow). 
- Chicharong bulaklak and rice make this ordeal a loooooooot better. 

9:00 PM
I wished I had been in the creative writing program instead. That way, I can write all the junk I want, and when people tell me it’s ugly, my only point of defense is an obstinate “No, you just don’t understand me!”

9:58PM
Fuck, I keep peeing.

sometime between 10:00-11:30PM
I have endured the fury of the summer sun—by not having a haircut— in preparation for one thing: I NEED to learn how to fishtail-braid my hair. And because I was so distracted by this compulsion, I tried it tonight, finally: 

:| 

2013 May 20, Monday

12:13AM 

12:40AM
I’m just going to sleep, not finish these papers on time, get kicked out of the program, and seek a career in DJ-ing instead.

12:31AM
Tugsh tugsh tugsh.

1:00AM
“The Theater of the Absurd explores man’s relationship with man. The result of that exploration is a rehearsal of the futility of such a relationship, and the works decry that futility.”

Well, THIS is futile and absurd.

1:19AM

(Mental Note: Dear family, I’m genuinely sorry for hoarding the ice cream. I need this to keep myself awake.)

1:52AM
Are these seemingly mundane thoughts normal for a legitimate graduate student to have? Should I be learning to think of other more mature, graduate student-y things like the MA thesis? Or a PhD? Or scholarship?

Am I teenybopper and if so, should I stop being one and force myself to “grow up”?

“We are who we are.” - Ma’am Rica Bolipata-Santos

2:26AM
PAGE THREE OMG

OMG BLOCK QUOTESSSSSSSS

2:56AM
The absurd theater is characterized by its philosophy that man’s subjective experience is the only reality, its consciousness of itself as “play,” and its refusal to adhere to the Aristotlean drama’s conventions of time, character, and plot. Through illustrating rebellions and discontinuities within language and dialogue, the lack of dramatic conflict in its plot, and the absence of the protagonist as well as the anti-hero, it champions the presupposition that human life is ridiculous and pointless. In this absurdity, this kind of theater attempts to challenge man to a certain exercise of introspection.

 2:58AM 
*CUE GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECT

3:20AM
I think I’m sleeping and finishing this tomorrow. 

3:23AM
BUT.

3:27AM
No coffee + an urge to listen to Flo Rida’s Wild Ones again. 

3:30AM
Down… with the bloody Red Queen.

VLADIMIR: You should have been a poet. 
ESTRAGON: I was. (Gesture towards his rags.) Isn’t it obvious?

          Silence.